Who Approved These?

Written By: achangeofends - Jan• 18•11

So the Australian Open is finally underway and I’ve done a miserable job of recapping early round action for you all. If you really want to check out my predictions, go ahead and read Dissecting the Draw: ATP at TennisGrandstand. I had planned a WTA follow up, but the AO snuck up on me, probably for the better considering I have absolutely no idea who’s going to win. Deep down, I’d love to see someone totally random tear through the draw. Can you say Nicolas Mahut: Grand Slam Champion? Just kidding. On the WTA side, I would love to see Vera Zvonareva continue her success from the last two slams and finally take the title (no Serena in her way this time.) It would also be awesome to see Sam Stosur win on the home court. I think Australia would go crazy. Needless to say, I think we will almost certainly be seeing an AO women’s champ who hasn’t hoisted the trophy before.

Anyway, you can get real tennis news anywhere, but I’m about to breakdown some of the outfits we’ve seen so far at this year’s Australian Open.

I’m in no way surprised by Venus’ creation. After witnessing the barrage of hideous outfits from the US Open, I expected something strange. But really, this dress is awful. It’s not flattering. The zipper bunches strangely. Didn’t anyone ever tell her that horizontal stripes make you look wide? And finally, why does it look like it’s made of plastic?

I will preface this by saying that this is 100% better than the dragon nightmare, but it’s about 3 months too late. He’s looking a little Halloweeny in this black and orange number. But more importantly, he has his name emblazoned on his ass. Why?

I say this about all of the women wearing this Lacoste monstrosity at the Australian Open. This dress is awful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a neutral dress that is this unflattering on players who usually look pretty good. Sam’s kit at the 2010 French was one of my favorites all year. This looks like a white garbage bag that she belted rather poorly. Plus, the keyhole neckline seems unnecessary and the capped sleeve just makes Sam’s arms look freakishly large.

He looks like Sonic the hedgehog eating his way through a watermelon. The shirt would’ve been bad enough in just green and pink, but that weird rainbow X makes things even worse. Why did Adidas insist of dressing its players as watermelons this year? However, this was by far the worst offense.

I think this is the worst of all. Caroline Wozniacki is 20 years old, in fantastic shape, and generally quite pretty. This makes her look frumpy and wide. The sheer top is just strange and the skirt is way too high. I guess it’s ballerina-y, but it’s just a mess.

He looks like Big Bird. That is all I have to say.

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